I just returned from a... "business trip" we'll say, down to see a masterclass and have a lesson with my teacher. I feel crushed, beaten, and probably broken, but there must be some splinters still intact, because I haven't completely given up yet. Some sort of anger and frustration keeps me from knowing when to quit.

From the bottom of such a hole the light looks brightest, though, because today was probably the most beautiful day God could ever conjure for me at my half-way point in Santa Cruz. I am not even very religious, but the splendor that shone in the sky (which was the sun) turned the sky a magical color (which was blue, but of the sapphire sort) and the wind picked the scent off the ocean--mostly salty, sometimes awful of fish and poop, but at the best of times was of wild rosemary and eucalyptus--and sent me into ecstatic fits. (Which was a cause of concern for my parents, as I was the one driving the car.) In the morning we went to the lighthouse by Cowell Beach, and what would grace us but podS-PLURAL-of dolphins, jumping seals and otters, all amongst the agog surfers who showed up for the BEST WAVES I have EVER SEEN at Cowell Beach. They were VERY LARGE. And the surfers were all good mannered and having fun with each other, all to the sound of the seals like frat boys playing beer-pong on a Friday night. It was awesome. We had eaten lunch and left by the time the morning cover had burned off, and as you pass little beaches on Highway 1, the waves continued in their VERY LARGE size, but with the addition of the splendor that shone in the sky (the sun) they were like... the most seductive waves... of... man, friggin' shoot I can't even describe the color because "green-blue" doesn't do the *luminescence* of it any justice... I just kept saying "I WANT TO BE A MERMAID I WANT TO BE A MERMAID" if that gives you any idea of how well I was seduced. I will admit, I am an easy target for any sea siren. I would glady throw myself into the icy cold black waters if it meant that I became a mermaid. Like... seriously. Except for the high likelihood of hypothermia, sharks, exhaustion from actually swimming, getting pommeled against rocks, among other things. We stopped at one of the beaches because there were probably fifty or more kite-surfers in this little bay where the wind was whipping up good and fast. It was so strange and beautiful with all these people skimming across the water and shifting, whipping rainbows overhead.

So yeah. Beautiful! Until I hit SF traffic... what the hell, Furlough Friday, why you gotta do that?! Now I'm pooped and going crazy inside my own head.